This morning I woke up at 4:30 and got up. (went to bed really early just because the job is emotionally draining and there was nothing on the television and frankly, Ed and I have nothing much to talk about), but he did express his love to Kem, our hair stylist and how much he loves me and that he was so afraid that I would leave him due to the stroke...maybe we can find a way to fall in love again and make our marriage stronger, but this morning I just feel so depressed and blue. My "kids" are gone and it really makes a difference not to have Deuce meet me at the door. BUT...he has been adopted! I hope his new family loves him as much as I did/do.
Ed is on a cleaning jihad...he's wanting to get rid of clutter and get rid of the old 80's entertainment center. I want to move our desks to the other side of the downstairs long room...and have an area for me at the other end with a comfortable chair that I can curl up in when I need to find some alone time. I've been on a spending binge and that needs to stop. Lularoe leggings and tops...so cute, and according to everybody except my ultra conservative sister thinks I can rock them...but only on the weekends,, since even on casual Friday where we can wear jeans and any other type of shirts, leggings are not allowed on our team.
I stayed home Thursday, calling in with a migraine, but it was one that I could've gone to work, but I needed to attend a meeting with Ed's therapists before he "graduates" on 3/10 and so we used that opportunity. So....I'm hoping that this weekend will be an "okay" one with Ed working on his projects and me just being a slug, watching Days and Grey's Anatomy and knitting a baby blanket for a friend's baby on the way. And...wearing leggings after I take my shower!
Maybe it's that I realized my mother has been gone for 10 years last Monday and that while my other mother does say she loves me, I'm always the one to call and she's never called me through the last 6 months of what my life has been....it hurts a bit, but I am not one of her own and it was Daddy who kept the family together and with him being gone for 12 years....the relationship is just not the same.
This weekend Ed and I will also work on his getting to know the iPhone...he's still having some trouble, but that's an easy job (I'm hoping). His frustration levels are getting better and he realizes that once an outburst has happened, he knows that he needs to apologize and he's getting so better, I'm letting him take the Equinox this morning to fill it up with gas.
Maybe I can find a movie that would be mutually acceptable and see a movie after doing the taxes and have a bit of dinner somewhere. HOPING life gets better a day at a time!